I used this picture on Thursday in my anniversary post. I resized it in my photobucket account to make it smaller so it wouldn't expand my text area when I used it here in Blogstream. Not every idea we have in life works the way we plan. This adjustment actually took some of the beauty of the photo away and I wasn't happy with it. Fortunately I had it still in it's original size to upload to my gallery here.

I'd like to have a place like this outside my back door. Someplace where I could physically remove myself from the world to listen to the sound of water flowing over rocks and possibly the sound of birds singing. Someplace where I can be still and allow myself to be refreshed by the soothing away of the cares of the day. It's a place of peace and tranquillity away from ringing telephones, away from blaring televisions with their daily bombardment of buy this...buy that. No computer, blackberry, not even an ipod should intrude on my special place.

Our ever so special medical practitioners released Dad from Rehab on Friday. He is now back in the critical care unit at the hospital. His chronic renal failure which was left untreated all this time has become acute. He is bleeding into the catheter bag, instead of urinating. He has pneumonia, he is unable to swallow and the doctor fears he isn't going to make it this time. He's voiced it, and this is the first time he's done so. I am aware that he's feared this before, but this time he has said he doesn't think Dad is going to make it.

I don't know how I feel about all this, numb maybe? I should be angry that his other medical issues were never addressed in any real way. He's been in chronic renal failure for months now with no treatment other than mineral supplements to replace the magnesium and zinc leached out of his body by the renal insufficiency. For months he has been anemic to the point of requiring blood transfusions periodically to give him an adequate red blood cell count.

Treatment for renal insufficiency should have consisted of this: a low protein, low potassium diet. The "right" kinds of diuretics instead of Lasix, and Procrit to help the anemia. Had this been done his kidneys would have been less stressed. However, this doctor concerned him or herself with this body part and that doctor with another and even a third for his part of the body. NO ONE addressed the issue of renal insufficiency in any real way, other than to tell us he had it. I suppose the end result would still be the same, all the proper treatment in the world maybe wouldn't have given him many more years, we'll never know because we weren't allowed to find out.

I googled nothing to say today, I guess this says it all

You know what they say about the road to HELL being paved with good intentions? Well, when I got up on Friday morning I had every intention of being in bed and sleeping again by 11pm Friday night. It didn't quite work out that way, and this morning, or early afternoon if we want to get technical, I feel like I've been to HELL.

Our office has a 24/7 homecare case. Some of the aides are reliable, but some are not and I got caught between 2 aides. One seems to have this problem with working an entire shift, so she's been asking the midnight girls to come in early. She never stays late to make up for it either. This happened again last night when the next shift aide was sick. Usually the aide will go in sick, depending on how contagious she thinks she might be. Last night she just said screw it, and asked to have another aide switch with her. Well, the other aide didn't have transportation so good ole Sherry's Cherries had to go. I planned on going in at 11 to relieve the problem aide, but she called me to say her Grandfather died in a hospital downstate. So, I got there at 10:30.

I've never been oriented on this case, which should have happened long ago, but we were all too busy. So, although I know my duties, I don't know where anything is. I hate snooping in peoples houses, but the client was sleeping and I had environmental supports to take care of. He's a stubborn man and wants to climb the cellar stairs and get into the attic, and he's in NO physical condition to do those things. So, we have to lock doors and hide keys in order to keep him safe. I had NO idea where the keys were hid and the unreliable aide had her car running and made her escape without showing me where anything is. I did find the keys and got the laundry done, but I couldn't figure out which closet in which room the rest of the vacuum could be found in. It did look like the 4 to 12 girl vacuumed, but still, it's on the care plan so I thought I should do it. Well, I didn't. Maybe they'll fire me for it? I can wish can't I?

Earlier in the week, when my life was still normal, I was reading a post at Captain Morgans. A tune kept popping up in my head when I was reading, and commenting, and danged if it isn't still there. I kept thinking as I was typing this, that the tune has nothing to do with my post, so why did I feel the need to post it? Well, this weekend has nothing to do with my normal life, so why not? I need sleep I tell ya, I need sleep. Or, maybe a ride on a magic ship.

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs

F**king up the scenery, breaking my mind.

Do this, don't do that....

Can't you read the signs?

 

 

 

 

On April 26, 2006 I did something impulsive. I hadn't done an impulsive act in a long time. My Mom had died the prior month following a long illness and I was still in deep mourning. Psychologists will tell you not to make important life altering decisions at a time like that. When you're mourning, you aren't really yourself. Decisions which require rational thinking shouldn't be attempted at this time. The problem was, I didn't stop to think about it, I just did it. I joined Blogstream. I had no experience on-line, I had only been an internet user for a day or so, and who did I think I was that I should be starting a blog? I didn't even really know what a blog was. To say I was technologically challenged would have been putting it mildly.

I didn't start my first post that night, I just surfed and read other blogs. I started once or twice to comment on things, but I decided that maybe I shouldn't. I don't know why I thought that, I just felt that it wasn't right of me to be commenting on blogs. It didn't feel like the correct way to behave. I waited until after my first blog post was up and then I started commenting. My first comment came from someone who used the name Moonman. I was quite surprised and secretly pleased and had no idea how to respond to him. I did say I was challenged, didn't I?

I started getting out and talking to people. I met Topaz, Daisy, Scratch, Miss Lou, Peachy, who is no longer with us, and Whispered Promise. Then there was Lucy, Bookworm, Belle, and Biggie T. I think Peachy's post was where my first comment to another blogger occured, but I'm not sure. Then of course once I got past the first comment, nobody could shut me up. I've offered advice (sorry bad habit of mine), given support, cried with, laughed with, discussed issues with, and just plain enjoyed all of you.

I had no idea how to use the gallery, create an icon, use the blog palette, or put pictures in. Graphic websites with codes...What's that? I still haven't learned how to use the advanced editor, everytime I try I lose my paragraphs. I don't understand HTML either. Some day, maybe, but it really isn't important to me today. I've learned new things everyday since I came here.

I came here with no expectations, had no real direction, no real idea about what I wanted my blog to be. So, it became a chronicle of who I am as a person. I've been told by more experienced internet users that I should have made more of an effort to hide myself. I would be taken advantage of, I would be abused on some undefined level. None of which happened to me. Instead I found kind and caring people who supported me when I was hurting. You've helped me grow as a writer. I'm my harshest critic and even I see that. I don't have it right all the time, and I don't always talk about things you all want to hear, but you never have discouraged me no matter what direction my mind was wandering in.

After a year of ups and downs I still love this place. It's not a place like anyplace else. It has that extra special something, a quality that I can't put into words. It gets into your heart and soul in a way you least expect, and it takes a much stronger person than I am to stay away from this place. It's fantasy and reality at the same time. I said in my first blog post that I went crazy when I turned 50, but I was wrong. I went crazy on April 26, 2006 when I became a blog addict. If there is a 12 step program for blog addiction, all I have to say is fuhgeddaboudit!!!! I'm not going, I'm staying right here.