Sometimes people just frustrate me. I try, wherever possible, to make informed decisions about who I will vote for in any election. It's very difficult during any campaign to pick a candidate with so much rhetoric floating around. Everything sounds good, but what do we gain by rhetoric? Who chooses what issues are important in a campaign and why? We listen to debates, we vote or not, and then when nothing changes we blame the administration. If we vote a candidate into office because he says he will do something and he doesn't, why does he get to keep his seat?

I live in an area that took a major blow to it's economy when BRACC closed the Air Force Base in 1994. Recovery has been slow. We have a multitude of low paying retail job opportunities, but efforts to bring in companies that pay better wages have not borne fruit. We have a government research facility and a government finance facility which accounts for most, if not all of the high paying jobs. The problem is, we aren't very well represented by jobs paying wages in the middle of the pay scale. The areas pulp and paper mills have closed. A furniture manufacturer has closed. Oneida Silversmith, once our best employer has moved overseas and closed all of their stateside plants. The price of gas is over $3 a gallon, a head of lettuce that cost me 99 cents last year was $1.69 yesterday at Walmart. According to last nights news, gas will be going UP and that will take the prices in our local grocery stores...higher.

There's all kinds of candidates throwing their hats into the ring. I'm hearing stop the war, end the war, bring the troops home. Obviously the main issue will be the Iraq war. So, we vote for the candidate we believe will bring the troops home, and then what? The current Veterans Affairs administration is no more capable of handling returning veterans now than it was 40 years ago. Returning Iraq War Vets will be facing the same mismanagement that the Vietnam War vets faced 40 years ago. I did a post that included this bit of information on April 17th of this year. For the last 40 years all they've been good for is getting themselves higher salaries, thereby leaving less money available to the returning Vets. So, that problem gets fixed by foot dragging and outright denial of services. I read somewhere that more than 40% of America's homeless are Vietnam War Veterans. Excuse my bluntness, but how the Hell do you people think this happened?

It happened because nobody pays attention. Returning Vietnam War vets were denied adequate treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. They were denied treatment for side effects of Agent Orange until so many had died from it the VA had to acknowledge that something wasn't right. It happened because the government downsized the military to save money without any prior planning. It discharged thousands of military veterans at a time when our economy wasn't strong enough for them to find jobs. When the Vietnam Vets got together and started protesting the conditions here in America, they were treated by every succeding government administration as terrorists. This was America the beautiful, there wasn't anything wrong here. So NOTHING ever changed, and NOW we think it's horrible that the VA has done such a terrible job, and given themselves bonuses for doing it. So, we're going to vote a candidate into office as President next year. Hopefully they will bring the troops home. The military will downsize, Veterans will be discharged expecting to go home to jobs and families. When they CAN'T find a job because the economy is bad they'll turn to the VA administration for help. Nonexistent help. I wonder in what year the Iraq War Vets become 40% of America's homeless?

I have started a dozen posts in the last two days, gotten halfway into them and suddenly decided that I wasn't saying anything. Nothing more than unimaginative topics that were rambling on all over the place and going nowhere. A short drive on the highway of my mind without destination or points of interest. I don't mind the lack of destination half as much as I mind the absence of points of interest. In trying to curb a tendency on my part to be judgemental about myself, I appear to have lost my spark. I believe it's a temporary thing, an internal adjustment is being made and the rest of the system is on a leave of absence waiting for it's upgrade. Then too, I was getting a lot of calls for Hubby's business and it's really difficult to stay focused when I'm being interrupted all the time. Cha Ching!

I've been watching Dancing With The Stars for the last few weeks and I saw something last night that made me wander off on another mindpath. I'm not interested in the latest goings on in the all too public "private" lives of celebrities. I don't stand at checkout counters and read the tabloid headlines, I don't watch programs like Entertainment Tonight or any of it's copy cats. I do, when watching a movie or TV program wonder how an actor can create a character that is so believable that we will sit there and watch a program that has little merit, just because we like the character. What makes an actor good at their craft? Are they showing different aspects of their own personalities? How do you fake the types of emotions that actors display when working?

For the last few weeks, I have been observing Ian Ziering formerly of Beverly Hills 90210, try to do his best as a dancer. Although he has some parts of it right, he falls short of his goal every week. Last week he had the lowest judges scores, yet the fans saved him to dance another week putting Joey Fatone into the bottom two. That shocked me because Joey was showing much more aptitude at his dances than Ian has been showing. Which of course has nothing to do with the question in my mind. Which was, why couldn't he get it all together? What element was missing from his performance?

Last night, he did his second dance dressed up as Elvis, and danced to one of his songs. Everything I was seeing that didn't look right to me was suddenly gone. He actually earned his first perfect score with that dance. So, apparently Ian can't dance his best when he's just being Ian, but give him a role to play and he's perfect. Why? Is he so uncomfortable with himself that he can't do well when he is himself? Apparently he needed a role to play in order to do his best. Does that role relieve him of his self doubt? Don't we all do that on some level? I know I do.

I have yet to encounter a life situation that is everything I hoped it would be. I try to focus on the positive aspects of things and gloss over the negative. Unfortunately that negative is still there. If I meet negatives head on, I acknowledge their existence, and try to change them into positives, only to find that doesn't work. Since I made the decision to turn in my badge at work and relieve myself of one too many positions, I felt guilty. I almost didn't turn the badge in because of it. I did do it, but it was something I almost talked myself out of doing. I thought I'd feel relieved, but I don't. In some way I feel that I've let myself down, yet I know I haven't. I haven't figured out if I thought I could be "Super Woman", or if I was doing the extra job for someone elses approval.

While watching Ian turn in a perfect performance last night, I realized it didn't matter. I'm not an actor, I don't need to turn in a perfect performance. I need to do the things I'm most comfortable doing, and be the person I'm most comfortable being, which is myself. The "myself" that is me, is not cut out to be "Super Woman". In an effort to help out my place of employment I tried to change myself to fit a mold I don't belong in. Even though I did feel a bit guilty, it's didn't change my belief that I'm not Home Health Aide material under the present circumstances. Would I be under other circumstances? Probably, but those are not the circumstances that exist. I would be nothing more than an actor turning in a performance. It might have been a perfect performance, but it would not have been me. Ian turned in a perfect dance performance by pretending to be someone he isn't. I dance best when I'm not pretending to be someone else. Might not be good enough for the judges, but it's good enough for me. Dancing is much more fun when I'm being me.

We have satellite TV because where I live cable isn't available. After talking to people we opted for Dish Network, because DirecTV in our area isn't everything it's cracked up to be. I find that many of the people here have trouble with their reception everytime it rains. I seem to be fine unless a major thunderstorm is in the area, in which case it doesn't matter because the TV is shut off and unplugged same as the computer. I get close to 300 channels for somewhere around $55 a month. I could get a cheaper package, but I'd lose the one thing that I truly like about it which is the Sirius radio channels I get. You don't see anything on the screen beyond the title and singer of the song currently playing and the record label that released it, but with my memory being what it is that's a good thing. Sometimes I remember a song and can't remember for the life of me who sang it. Other times I'll remember a part of the song, who sang it, but not the title.

I can listen to tunes based on a particular decade, or style. So I always have a wide variety of music at my disposal if I can make up my mind what I want to hear. I found yesterday that deciding things when I'm stressed is not easy, I placed the womans prerogative to change her mind on a whole other level yesterday believe me. I decided to switch to VH1 Classics to take the matter out of my hands and came in to the middle of the movie, "Hendrix". I didn't find it to be all that good a movie, but it was being used as a vehicle to advertise the VH1 Classics 2007 Rock Honors program which will occur on May 24. The next 10 days they will have 10 movies about rock music on including one I've been wanting to see and never could connect with. I've always thought I'd like to see "This Is Spinal Tap" but so much time has elapsed that I probably will find it very disappointing. That usually happens in cases like this, anticipation is better than the reality.

I'm sure I'm going to see a lot of commercials for the Honors program. This years honorees are Genesis, Heart, Ozzie Osbourne and ZZ Top. I think it's nice for them that they are being honored, and I don't mind the constant commercials touting the show and who will perform or just appear on it. During the entire portion of the movie that I saw, I remember only the commercials for the honors show and one other starring Sarah McLachlan. I love her voice, I truly do, and one of the songs I USED to love hearing was "Angel". Unfortunately this commercial has caused me to associate that song with something, that for me, is seriously unpleasant.

There are two things in life that distress me beyond measure and that is child abuse or animal abuse. I am not rational when it comes to these aspects of inhumanity. I hate both with a passion and truly feel that the laws are not severe enough when it comes to the perpetrators of this type of crime. My mind can't grasp how any living human being could do such a thing, and for me it's an evidence that evil exists in this world. It's beyond frustrating to me that no one seems able to find a way to stop this kind of abuse.

The commercial was for a monthly membership with the ASPCA. It featured Sarah sitting with a dog and talking about the good that the ASPCA could accomplish with our monthly donations and of course all the "perks" we would get by donating. It then would switch to pictures of animals being rescued, animals that were injured, and animals that would be available for adoption, all being their absolute cutest while living in cages. Accompanying the videos of the animals was the chorus from "Angel". Each individual animal viewed while listening to "In the arms of an angel" in her oh so beautiful voice. I had to shut the TV off.

Now, I probably won't watch any programs on VH1 Classics for awhile because the only two commercials they will be showing with any regularity will be the Honors show and Sarah's ASPCA pitch. I all ready am at the point where thinking about that song brings to mind the one eyed dog with the matted dirty fur, the adorable kitten that was hiding in a wall to stay away from it's tormentor, and the dog whose ribs showed so seriously through his filthy matted coat. Thanks to this commercial, what was for me a once beautiful song has now become tainted in my mind with it's connection to animal abuse.

I guess you can't blame the ASPCA for wanting more money to help abused animals. I don't know whose idea this commercial was but whoever it was sure knew how to beat us over the head to make a point. I donate to our local animal shelter and I wish I could do more. I didn't need this commercial to remind me just how inadequate we are at stopping both child and animal abuse. I think the next time I needs to destress, I'll just take a walk, or clean a closet or something. I won't turn on VH1 Classics, that's for sure.

I haven't been commenting as much on blogs as I used to. It's been a hectic few weeks beginning with Dad's final illness, his death and the problems at work. I've been able to post on my own blog and make a few visits, but not nearly as many as are being made to me. I apologize, but unfortunately real life has been interfering with my cyber life. There are things I still need to take care of in life, but they are minor things compared to what has been happening. One of my concerns, that of the 24/7 case has been taken out of my hands.

The office coordinator is unwilling to take the on-call phone from me if I get called to work in the middle of the night, and the powers that be have decreed that it is illegal for me to be paid for 2 different jobs at the same time. I am no longer being allowed to cover the shift unless prior arrangements have been made and I am relieved of my on-call duties. Mr. 51%, upon review of the situation has also determined that I'm being used in a manner that he doesn't approve of. I was compelled, in his estimation, to do the case without any type of orientation on the case. Furthermore the clients condition is beyond my experience, so we are running a risk he doesn't like. He has asked me quietly to turn in my badge and just continue to do the on-call and office work. He also doesn't want anyone else to know that the idea is his.

I'm going in on Monday to turn in my badge, and without bringing up his request, will no longer be an aide. My reasons have to do with the situation created by the supervising nurse, who is taking steps to see to it that she be more familiar with his condition. She told me that it's to be expected in someone of his age, also she said he was having some fun at my expense, but I know better. That having been said she also sent a letter to his doctor detailing everything she was told by myself AND the other aides who work there. She has been ignoring their concerns and they had no recourse to the assistance that I have so they weren't being heard. Wonder of wonders, a gait belt has been delivered so that the aides have more control of his ambulation, plus there are instructions to offer him a snack before bedtime. There also will be some tests conducted because he has a prior existing back condition that we were not aware of. He had surgery during which hardware was installed to support his spine. There may be something wrong there because of the last fall he took.

The other reason, the one I will be using when I turn in my badge is that because of my Husband's business I can't do the 8-4 shift nor the 4-12 shift, and with the lack of adequate staff on the case there is a real possibility that I could get stuck with a double shift. My cat would not receive her shot and Hubby would lose business without someone here to answer the phone. Then too, sometimes our customers do last minute cancellations and it uses gas for him to get to their residences. With the price of it these days and having to make an unnecessary trip wasting it, he gets cranky, and I don't blame him. When you drive a vehicle that gets all of 4 miles per gallon you don't really want to do that. So, I will tell them that upon reexamining my priorities I can no longer work as an aide.

When I took the course originally it had been decided that I would do the 2 hour cases to gain experience. The office never asked me to do those, and I understand that Mrs. 49% was not pleased by that because cases that could have been taken care of were left without coverage. Lack of coverage on any case means lack of income for the business. Some clients don't want anyone else to come, but many clients do and they have not been serviced when I was available to do so. A two hour case would not have had me out of the house for as long a period plus I could have carried a cell phone with me and taken care of emergencies because the two hour cases are less involved. The clients are considerably more independent and you're mostly doing support tasks for them. Most of those don't require transfer and ambulation assistance, just someone on premisies during their showers to maintain their safety and to wash their backs or assist with shampooing upon request.

With the stress of Dad's illness and death, plus the added problem of knowing that I'm not experienced enough to keep the client I was pushed into providing care for as safe as he should be, my soul is in need of replenishment. Some time spent doing the things that please me while listening to sweet soul music is in order. So, I'll be back to listen around at other blogs later tonight. In the meantime enjoy yourself while listening to my kind of "soul" music.

I don't know about other women, but I never met a flower I didn't like. I've never received flowers that didn't thrill me no matter what they are, they are all beautiful. I was surfing the net and I discovered that you should use the recipients astrological sign to pick the right flowers for the arrangement you're planning on giving. I like to read my horoscope for fun, but I don't pay any attention to it in any real way. Probably a good idea because I'm not sure the chart is all that accurate.

Aries----Stargazer lilies
Taurus---Yellow Roses
Gemini---Yellow and Pink roses
Cancer---White daisies
Leo---Alstromeria
Virgo---Gerbera Daisies
Libra---Snapdragons
Scorpio---Tulips
Sagittatius---Yellow Lilies
Capricorn---Violets
Aquarius---Carnations
Pisces---Hydrangea

I was born in September. My birthstone is Sapphire which I really like. I have bracelets, rings and a couple of necklaces with Sapphires in them. I find that out of 2 or 3 jewel boxes full of bling, I will usually choose one of those items to wear. I don't wear jewelry much, I'm not a girly girl, but I do enjoy my Sapphire jewelry. The birth flower for that month is Morning Glory and I like them, but they aren't on this list, nor would they be my first choice.

According to my astrological sign, which is Virgo, the best flowers to give me are Gerbera Daisies. While I do love Gerbera Daisies, and they would be a good choice, my favorite flowers are Pansies. I like yellow Roses, pink Roses, and really any color of Roses. Grannie was a Leo and she preferred red Roses. Grandma was a Gemini and she preferred yellow Roses. Mom was a Capricorn, and she was not thrilled by Violets. She preferred Gladiolus, followed by any other flower that grows, except Violets. According to the information on this chart she should have been given Violets. A few Violets clutched in the fist of a small child and offered to her would have brought a smile to her face. They would have been carefully vased in a juice glass full of water and set on a windowsill in the sunlight. Then again, so would Dandelions and Buttercups. It was never about the type of flower, it was always about who was doing the giving.

I don't think this chart is the most accurate method of choosing flowers as a gift. I would say it owes it's conception to the florist industry's decision to sell flowers that grow in spring through early summer for Mother's Day this year. When I read this I pictured some random lottery type drawing occuring. Complete with each astrological sign celebrating it's win by jumping up and down with joy. Mother's Day is the florists busiest time of the year, actually surpassing Valentines Day in profits. Which makes me wonder why they felt the need to establish a list of flower choices based on the horoscope. With the price of flowers this year maybe they needed a little extra something to convince you it would all be worth it in the end. Maybe it is, but Mom isn't going to care if you spent $5 or $50, it's not about the gift, it's all about the giver.