Some of your hurts you have cured, And the sharpest you still have survived, But what torments of grief you endured From the evil which never arrived.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I think the single most important thing I have learned in the last few weeks is that venting ones frustrations does nothing but fuel the fire. I read somewhere once that keeping ones frustrations inside leads to physical illness. I have found through personal experience that when I vent, I just create more anxiety on my part. A much better solution for me has been to meditate on the problem until I find a sense of what the problem really is. Understanding doesn't always immediately present me with a solution, but it allows an opening of the mind so that I can see the solution when it occurs.
An example. Three weeks ago on a Saturday, I decided to quit smoking. I can't count the number of times I've decided that and lost the battle. I'd be smoke free for a day or two and give it up as too hard. Not making any excuses here, but it's not an easy task under any circumstances, let alone when you live with a smoker. This time, something has been different. At the two day point when I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes I found it was easier to go longer and longer periods of time between smokes. Usually managed to be without one while Hubby wasn't home, and found that I'd only smoke a few at night when he was. A pack of cigarettes started to last me two days and then three days and now it's four days. Yesterday, Hubby ran out of cigarettes and wonder of wonders has decided to quit with me.
Why have I been more successful at getting closer to my goal this time? I think it's because I am not being as hard on myself. I accepted that this wasn't going to be an easy task, that it would have it's days of backsliding, but the important thing was to keep trying. I don't need to make myself anxious because I'm craving a cigarette. Craving a cigarette doesn't mean that I'm a failure, it just means I'm craving a cigarette. Normal after more than 30 years of smoking. I don't need to tell myself that I can't do it just because I want a cigarette. I always failed in the past because I didn't believe I could do it so I gave up trying. Setting realistic goals and achieving them is building faith in me and my ability to do this.
If I were using Nicotine patches, gum or lozenges the program would take 12 weeks. I am not using anything but I am using the same time frame. This means I am 3 weeks into my program and have 9 more weeks to go. Instead of being anxious about gaining weight and worrying about failure, I have all that time to discover for myself what works to get me through the craving without feeding my face, or without giving up. If Hubby continues with his resolve, he has made it easier for me, but even if he doesn't, it's still my battle. It is one that I intend on continuing to fight until I can finally say I am a non-smoker. A habit of 30 years isn't going to be broken overnight, but I am on my way to finding a new healthier habit.
