I'm not saying that men are useless...exactly...I'm just wondering how they'd all get along without women. Two cases in point coming up. Better make that three.

Last week Hubby lost his keys. He'd been outside chopping wood and was combing the ground around the area he had been working in. When he came into the house without them, I asked him if he'd left them in his van. He said he looked, and they weren't there. I was busy at the moment and he went back outside to continue the hunt. After a few moments, I went outside, opened the van door, PICKED UP THE FISHING TACKLE BOX FROM THE DRIVERS SEAT AND....there were the keys.

Last night, guess who lost his keys...again? Oh yes, and when I asked if he looked in the van he gave me the same answer. I got up...looked out the window...and IN THE DOOR LOCK OF THE VAN CLEARLY VISIBLE THROUGH THE WINDOW were his keys. I smiled at him, sat back down and watched him go out the door, walk right by the van door and come BACK INTO THE HOUSE without the keys. I had to tell him where to find them. Good thing I'm clairvoyant.

I've been trying to figure out why it is that MEN seem to BELIEVE they're the superior creation? Some of you seem to think your entitled to call all the shots.

Maybe we ought to let them do things...ALL BY THEMSELVES.

BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is
important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime
outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real'
man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are
put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to
the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.He
thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with
the situation.

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no
pleasing some women....

My conclusion? We women keep you guys around for the amusement factor, because you certainly DON'T make our lives any easier.

Some mornings when I come online I have no idea for a post in my head. That's not a bad thing actually, it leaves a spot open for a new idea or two should one occur. Of course, there needs to be sensory input in order for something to occur and to that end I checked the AOL news headlines.

This mornings topics of the day include Amy Winehouse, the amount of cleavage one should not display in the workplace, Jenna Bush's wedding, and the statement that GM used DEAD humans in tests. Cadavers in place of crash test dummies? Dare I read that article? I suppose we can safely assume no one was hurt in the crash.

Dividers @ Bopmyspace.com

I'm not really a big Amy Winehouse fan. I've heard her music and it doesn't thrill me on any level, so I really can't understand why I need to know that she dyes her hair, has a bald spot and talks to mayo jars. I suppose on some level that all this information will appeal to those readers of "news" that are sick of the Clinton/Obama political scenery, however, I can't grasp the necessity of calling bald spots, hair dye and mayo jar conversations...news. Should said mayo jar answer back...I'd call a doctor...not the news media. Then again that's me and I always associated "news" with Walter Cronkite, Harry Reasoner, Seth Huntley or David Brinkley and not with Chevy Chase and the satire of Saturday Night Live.

Dividers @ Bopmyspace.com

Workplace cleavage is inappropriate at any time, unless your place of employment is the street corner of a city red light district. It continually amazes me to see how young women dress when they are applying for jobs. Even in the home care business where young women are asked to provide personal care to the elderly in their homes, they think tank tops and no bra are acceptable. I'm sure we have elderly males living alone that enjoy the view. Far be it from me to deprive them. I just do not understand what these young women get out of showing off in front of men that are of an age where they wear Depends and really believe that a shower once a week will make them sick. We are talking about Medicare/Medicaid recipients here not the independently wealthy.

Dividers @ Bopmyspace.com

Jenna Bush got married. Do I care? She may be the daughter of a President of the United States of America, however this wedding did not take place in the White House. She wanted a private affair which included close friends, family and the Secret Service, which was why the nuptials took place at the family ranch. I checked my mail, I wasn't invited. My heart is not broken by the omission. Since I wasn't invited, and have no desire to invite myself, why is the news media insisting on inviting me? It's a free country, I have the right to ignore that which I'm not interested in. Sorry, I'm not interested in the wedding.

Dividers @ Bopmyspace.com

I cowboyed up and read the article about the GM cadaver crash tests. I can't see any evidence that GM used dead people to test their SAAB in any collision anywhere. I did find an interesting fact or two. It seems that all car manufacturers used cadavers to test their vehicles before crash test dummies were invented. No, they did not rob graveyards, the bodies were donated by their former inhabitants for research. The information gathered during these tests led to the invention of crash test dummies. Today when we donate our bodies to research we very well could wind up at a university that researches ways and means to build a better crash test dummy.

Unless Jenna Bush is injured by my failure to want to attend her wedding, I can safely say no one was hurt in the preparation of this post. It's Monday, that's the best I can do.

I really don't think this was the kind of Love that Frankie Valli was singing about, but this post is for The Library Cat and his wife Chris. They are in the middle of a health crisis during which she sent him home from the hospital to make sure one of their cats got it's medicine. When they say cat's rule, dogs drool...they mean it.

Survival Classes for Men @ the
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
PULASKI TECHNICAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, May 19, 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THE CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

I don't talk much about the cases we have at work because I don't want to infringe on client confidentiality. We have 2 private duty clients that receive care after office hours and they then are my responsibility. I should say mine and the dingbat supervisory nurse we have. I think he's not qualified, and my opinion doesn't exist because of his credentials. His credentials are excellent. It's his attitude that places him in the category of useless as a supervisor.

Our company policies exist because of state regulations and safety of client and employee issues. One of our policies is this. If a client is on the floor for any reason and cannot get up ALONE, the aide is to notify the office and call 911 for assistance in lifting the client. This regulation has existed for the entire time I've been employed with this company. Once I am aware of a need to call 911 my duty is to notify the supervising nurse of the issue and what steps were taken.

Last night we had this occur. When I called the supervisor he DEMANDED that I call the aide and stop her from calling 911. Mind you, he's NOT going to go there and lift the client, he's going to INSTRUCT the aide in the proper method of assisting the client to stand. I have a client suffering from dementia who became confused and slid to the floor from her bed during an attempt to transfer her from chair to her bed for the night. She is on the floor grasping the side bars and complaining that WE are hurting her. She is most likely NOT Injured, but WE don't know that. I'm not qualified, the aide is not qualified, and the supervisor is definitely NOT qualified to diagnose her condition OVER THE PHONE.

I called the aide back, she had all ready called and was waiting for the EMT's. I then called the nurse back, apprised him of this and at his request gave him the phone number of the client. He didn't get an answer. Most likely because the EMT's were there and she was being lifted. The nurse calls me back and begins to explain things to me.

First thing he tells me is that the AIDE is whacky, and she has problems that other aides there do not. This client tends to become uncooperative when she gets confused and HE knows how to TALK to her so that she will then be able to allow the aide to pick her up. Where in here are we addressing any injuries she may have sustained in this slide? Not only are we not supposed to try to lift a fallen client, to try to lift this client unassisted is a workmans comp case waiting to happen. Oh...but....the FAMILY might get upset. Not for nothing, but my personal experience is the family would get a LOT more upset if we lifted someone with a broken bone. The problem is, he doesn't inform the family of company policies so they can make a decision that they don't want to hire us because of it. Some of the things he said to me last night during his conversation with me indicate that he's so far out of touch with reality that he's dangerous.

This morning I called my boss and explained the entire situation. Until the company can place another nurse in his stead we have to work with what we have. I am to follow company proceedures and NOT notify the supervisor unless the client MUST be transported to the hospital for injuries. As a matter of fact I am to call either her or the director of nursing before I call him. He told me we would be in big trouble for calling 911. We'd be in bigger trouble if we didn't and the client or the aide turns out to be injured seriously because of HIS nonsense.

He's dangerous, and I work for a person who wants to believe the best of people. She wanted to give him time to find his way through all the regulations we have to be aware of. He doesn't agree with these regulations so he's changing things to suit himself rather than familiarizing himself with what he needs to do. The rest of us all had his number months ago, she just needed time. She's got it now and as she said to me, he won't be around much longer. That's fine but any amount of time is too long for me. As far as I'm concerned he's been here too long now.

Last I heard he's trying to blame ME for last nights fiasco. I've had to fax my report in so that she has in her hands what actually transpired. That's been his method all along, get caught doing something wrong and then trying to blame every body else for the problem. So far, we've managed to avoid any serious problems because the people he tries to blame KNOW what we're supposed to be doing. It's a sad situation because if he would put the effort into learning rather than blaming others for what HE doesn't know, things would run much smoother. He tried to mess with me, and I don't mess with very easily. I'm not perfect, but I've been there longer and I don't overstep my bounds the way he does. The other situation that became apparent after my talk with the boss is that the other private case is no longer entirely ours. Hospice is in there and we are now working for Hospice when we're in there. Funny thing, the NURSE knew that, none of the rest of us did. I wonder how long he thought he'd get away with that?